The Years Have Not Treated Joey B Well

Yes, that's Joey Buttafuoco, whose 15 minutes should have run out almost 15 years ago. It seems good old Joey is once again in trouble with the law, violating his prohibition(after pleading guilty to insurance fraud) by possessing ammunition. He has been ordered to stand trial for this violation. Joey currently is living in the San Fernando Valley (yes, the porn capital) and sadly divorced Mary Jo a few years ago--who saw that one coming. If only he and Amy Fisher could reunite--perhaps they could do the Amazing Race together.

UPDATE: It seems that Amy and Joey reunited at the 2006 Lingerie Bowl for the coin toss. Fitting.

And Another One Bites The Dust Today

Kimora Lee and Russell Simmons are kaput too.

Another Celebrity Divorce

Nothing like starting your Friday with a reminder that all marriages in Hollywood will end at some point in the near future. I actually thought they would be one of the few couples that defeated the odds. Poor Joey.

Teri and Ryan? Um.

I agree that this kiss is tres awkward. I really can't imagine these two together. At all. Eek.

Oh Whitney!

This is truly the beauty of blogs, everything is fifth or sixth hand here at Junkette. What follows is a report from Salon (quoted in its entirety to save you from the daily site pass nonsense) quoting from an article in the UK tabloid The Sun:

"Whitney on crack? One refreshing thing about British tabloids is their avoidance of modifiers like "allegedly" and "reportedly" when writing about the seamy side of celebrities' lives. For instance, the Sun's big piece on a photo of Whitney Houston's bathroom, taken by her sister-in-law Tine Brown, that apparently looks like a drug den. "She was one of the biggest female artists of her generation -- with a string of '80s and '90s hit singles like 'I Wanna Dance With Somebody' and more than 100 million albums sold," the paper writes. "Now she is a paranoid wreck hopelessly hooked on crack." Brown goes on to dish heavily on Houston, describing how Houston bites and punches herself while high, how she put a hole in the bathroom wall to see if anyone was watching her, how there's a stream of dealers flowing into the house and how Houston smokes eight balls of crack in a cigar. But at least her motives are pure: "I understand what she's going through. Addiction is a disease," says Brown. "Maybe this interview will save her life." (The Sun)"

Whitney seems like such a sad train wreck, and the stories about her have gone from simply titillating to downright depressing. Anyone remember the pre-wacked-out-marriage-to-Bobby-Brown rumors that she was gay? Seems like everyone (including me) knew someone who knew a woman who'd dated her. Now those were good times.

As for the "helpful" sister-in-law, anyone else think that a nice private intervention followed by a stint in rehab might have had more of a chance of saving Whitney's life than an interview with a British tabloid?

Disappointing Night on Idol

Sigh. After last week's A+ performances, I was so excited for last night's show. And, I mean, the contestants got to pick songs from the 21st Century! Um, well, the show sucked. With the exception of a few, who I'll discuss in a moment, the rest were as Simon would say very karaoke. (I realize this isn't in the order they sang, but hey.) Also featuring special guest comments (in red, of course) from Red Fraggle.

Lisa - I like her, I do, but her rendition of Kelly Clarkson's Because of You was sort of painful. The song was too big for her. She was so good during auditions/Hollywood Week - what happened? I totally agree. Gobo and I both said that the song was too big for her before Simon did. Boy, did we feel special. --Red

Bucky - Wheras Lisa's performance was sort of painful, I found this performance very painful. I just don't get who is voting for him. Agree. --Red

Mandisa - I felt like she was screaming the song and I just was not into it. Which is a shame because I usually love her. Agree! This must be a record, Laura and I agreeing so much. --Red.

Katharine - I thought she did a nice version of Christina Aguilera's hit, but there was something off/awkward about the performance. She doesn't seem to like being on stage, or something. She is very awkward on stage. Her smile is strange, and she just doesn't move around well. She looks like she has lost a little weight. And I thought Simon was wrong--Cristina sang the song far better than Katharine. --Red

Chris D. - I thought he was screaming and off-key. It was not fun to watch, and he looked MAD while singing. And that was scary. I actually thought that Chris sang a hard rock song well, and the one thing I said when he was done was "Wow, he really managed not to scream that." I thought he was the best of the night. Simon annoyed me. Up until this point Simon has been complimenting Chris on how "true to himself" and "uncompromising" he has been. I have been wondering why Simon didn't bash him for not getting outside of his comfort zone. But now it seems hypocritical to do so. Oh, and the whole conversation between Ryan and Chris about Live? How awkward. If Chris had given Live credit for the song in his taped speech last week, and AI had cut it out, as many thought might be the case, why couldn't AI just make that clear this week? Instead there was the stilted Ryan and Chris conversation. Weird. --Red

Ace - I didn't mind him. But that stare into the camera is actually creepy. As was the part in the song where he rubbed his scar. I thought Ace was horrid, he seemed off-key the entire song, and he's just really bad. "Drops of Jupiter" is a cheesy song, but Train's singer sings it really well. Ace did not. --Red

Kellie - Was it just me or did something seem totally off with her last night? She seemed depressed and her face looked different to me. I don't know what it was, but it was boring. Agreed. Although I didn't mind her as much as usual. I think she realizes the dumb act is getting old and is cutting it before there can be too much backlash. --Red

That leaves the only two I enjoyed last night:

Elliot and Paris. They were both original and fun and I'd vote for them if I ever voted. I liked Paris, although I wish she had chosen a song that showcases her voice. That Beyonce song was really not very special. As for Elliott, I was surprised that he chose a song that Bo sang last year. More importantly, Bo sang is SO MUCH BETTER. The entire time Elliott was singing I could remember Bo singing it, which I hadn't expected. Made me miss Bo, and it made me like Elliott a less.

By the way, LIW, I couldn't help but notice that you didn't mention Taylor! You love him, I hate him. But this week, I actually didn't mind him as much. I closed my eyes through most of the song, and I thought he sounded pretty good. And when I opened my eyes, it was nice to see him not jumping around like a maniac. --Red

And it just keeps getting weirder

Seems that Katie must keep silent when she gives birth to her and "Tom's" child. See here. I can assure you that Mrs. Isaac will be doing no such thing when she goes into labor some time in the next 5 weeks. And the painkillers will be readily available for the mother-to-be (and maybe even the father-to-be). The only silence may be from Isaac in the event he passes out.

Silly Me, I Thought Saw II Would Have Won

I'm sorry, but this headine cracked me up. For what it's worth, it also should have won the Oscar, but that is old news.

Speaking of over . . .

It looks it's definitely time for those of us who were holding out hope for a Showtime deal to save Arrested Development to admit it's over. Or at least so says Variety.

Celebrities are soooo over.

This article posits that the age of American obsession with celebrity is ending, but it sounds like just wishful thinking to me.

Welcome back, Mr. S

SPOILER ALERT (Come on, you really need to watch the Sopranos on Sunday night!)

In a development that will shock virtually no one (even George Will predicted it last week ), Tony Soprano lives. But I for one greatly enjoyed the dream sequence over the past two weeks. Seeing Tony B and briefly seeing (we suppose) Livia were great, but I would have loved to have also had Big Pussy at the Oaks (I can't imagine Vincent Pastore has nothing better to do). While it played off the traditional "going to the light" (brilliantly spoofed in There's Something About Mary with Oscar nominated actor Matt Dillon (until June, he will not be referred to as Johnny Drama's brother) telling the dog not to go to the light), it really played off the identity issue on so many levels. At a minimum, I would love to know who did the voice of "Mrs. Soprano." And nice touch with Orange County as Purgatory--perhaps Tony could have hit on Mischa Barton.

Back to the "real" world. With the Skip back (albeit weak), he is going to have even more on his plate than usual:

• AJ's failing out of school and possibly still looking to avenge Tony ("If anything in this life is certain, if history has taught us anything, it is that you can kill anyone." --Michael Corleone)
• Christopher deciding to get back into filmmaking. And who doesn't love the return of Tim Daley in this role. And the meeting with the investors was one of the funnest moments ever on the Sopranos.
• Vito's life on the down low, which is certainly going to end badly for him (although who knows how badly Finn will turn out in all of this.
• Sil's own stress problems--Tony has panic attacks; Sil gets asthma attacks. Perhaps Sil is suited to be the next Skip. (Great performance by the real Mrs. Van Zandt last night--rare to see so much of her)
• Most of all Carmela's catching sight of that coupon clipper Paulie Walnuts and Vito looking none too happy about having to share their haul from the Colombians. Paulie has been upset for years about not getting the respect he deserves and at some point, this is going to explode.

While not in the pantheon of episodes, last night moved the story along while setting up a number of plots that we will likely be seeing for the remainder of the show's life. Only 6 days until Sunday.

Help! She Cries

I feel like she is desperate for help. I mean, her baby shower was at a Scientology Center!

Bollywood Dreams

Like the two Lauras, I enjoyed Inside Man. But I loved the song from the opening and closing credits. A little research revealed that it's called Chaiyya Chaiyya and that it was taken from a Bollywood movie.

Tragically, it's only available on iTunes if you buy the whole soundtrack album, which includes such other sure-to-be-hits as "Above Your Pay Grade" and "2nd Floor Window." Damn them.

Original Conceit?

The author of this review of Brick, an independent film, says the movie is "built around a genuinely inspired conceit--the notion of setting an old-fashioned noirish detective story in a Southern California high school." Huh? I'm not saying that the auteur of the film and Rob Thomas didn't come up with their ideas independently, but Veronica Mars has been spinning out a brilliant "old-fashioned noirish detective story in a Southern California high school" for two years. I'm SHOCKED that the reviewer didn't acknowledge that. Granted, the film sounds much more stylized and true to the noir spirit than Veronica Mars, but . . . still. Maybe the reviewer is one of those film critics who can't be bothered with the small screen.

ETA: Wilder pointed out that the article's quote actually is "inspired" instead of "original". Either way, I'm still appalled that the reviewer could praise the novelty of the film's conceit without acknowledging VM. I mean, did she learn nothing from Dan Brown?

The very dirty minds of VM writers

Did anyone catch the extremely risque line from the opening scene of Veronica Mars this week? Clue, it had to do with Aaron Echoles looking slim in prison and (big clue) "tossed" leafy, green vegetables. I was shocked (SHOCKED!) to hear Dickie Casablancas say the line on prime time television and can only assume that the writers figured 90% of their viewers would take it at face value (which is very innocuous) and not the meaning I can only assume Dickie was giving (as apparent from his lewd facial expression during delivery).

The Real World Key West

Also looks like we are on a DC kick today, so in that spirit, I'll just note that the cast of the Real World Key West is going to be at LuLu's on M Street tonight! Scarily I'm tempted to go.

Gnomes Run Amuck

As the other junkettes (and one junkie) know, I'm a little shy about posting but I do love The Amazing Race . . . . By popular demand (read: goading), therefore, here are my thoughts on Episode 4:

At the beginning of this episode, I found it refreshing to have the teams spread out naturally over three different flights from Moscow to Frankfurt, spanning around 12 hours. While there was some inevitable bunching at the Mercedes Benz factory, those who caught the earlier flights to Frankfurt didn't lose their leads in the morning. I hate it when teams make an enormous effort to catch a flight or train or bus only to have all the other teams meet up with them at the next clue because the park, museum, building, factory, etc. doesn't open for another 8 hours. I realize you need bunching to make it more exciting but that's one of the benefits of the pit stops.

I really did feel badly that Yolanda and Ray were not allowed on the earlier flight with BJ and Tyler. I'm not sure anything they could have said to that woman would have changed her mind, but I would have liked to have seen a little more of an effort made. I think Yolanda and Ray are such a solid team but sometimes they're just either too timid or too passive. I'd love for them to attack the Race a bit more aggressively.

I thought the Mercedes Benz "challenge" was just okay. Interesting to watch, but not exactly challenging. Far more challenging, apparently, was driving from the factory to the next clue. [As an aside, I wonder if the producers mandated a speed limit for the teams on the Auto Bahn? Let me just say that if I was in the Race and my partner was driving a Mercedes for 200 miles on the Auto Bahn, you know he would be trying to see what the car could do. . . .] What I can't believe is that the Double Ds just blindly followed Wanda and Desiree. I can imagine following someone who's been doing really well on the Race thus far, but following the team who has been in close to last place the entire time, did not seem like a smart move. I guess it goes to show how little they thought of their own ability to navigate that they kept with W&D for so long. I have to confess, I don't think it's looking too good for the Double Ds right now. My Dad will be gutted when they're eliminated.

And so we get to the gnomes. I don't mind this kind of challenge at all -- it's random, sure, but you get to see who can keep it together under frustrating circumstances and who can't. I wouldn't want all of the challenges to be like this, but it was a fine one. I was a little surprised to see the gnomes in Germany and not in a Scandanavian country, but if you visit here you'll learn, as I did, that gnomes (or Erdmanleins (lowland) and Heinzemannchens (alpine) in German), although originating in Scandanavia, have resided in Germany for 1500 years or so. Silly me. Desiree really lost it here. It's not like she was unrolling hay stacks looking for clues and cutting up her hands in the process. All she had to do was look under gnome feet and hats and keep track of where she'd looked. I was not impressed and I think her team deserved to lose after that meltdown.

And did anyone else notice the problem with the Detour? And I mean apart from the fact that everyone was so incredibly giddy (maybe they had been drinking all day at some festival with the poor guy Lake and Michelle abducted), which wasn't a problem per se, but which was odd in an endearing way. The problem I thought was that clearly no one bothered to tell the dancing judge that you actually had to perform the dance steps correctly before you received a clue. I could just imagine the German judge, in his adorable lederhosen, thinking to himself, "Ah, in Germany we have high standards. But these are Americans. And in America, it is sehr different. Plus, these are sehr, sehr uncoordinated Americans. It will take them hours and hours to learn how to do this dance properly. And in the meantime we may run out of beer. If they do not fall over, they will get the clue." And, no, it probably didn't help that Barry and Fran went first.

Finally, Phil and the Mat in Munich. Again, I'm not sad to see Wanda and Desiree go. From their bios I thought they would be a competitive team but they never really got it together. I do give Desiree credit for being honest at the end when she said that the last 4 days had been hell. Good for her. It looked like it was a hellish 4 days for them and I'm glad her first reaction wasn't "This was an incredible experience. I'm so glad we did this," like so many other teams immediately do, no matter how stressful it actually looked like it was for them.

Next week, could that be an ancient Greek statute that Lori is struggling over? One junkette will be very happy if that turns out to be the case.

PSA: City Guide

I recently learned that Washingtonpost.com has a feature that allows you to send the address and phone number of a restaurant, bar, etc. as a text message to your cellphone (or blackberry).

I am a complete Luddite when it comes to cellphone usage -- I'm always pleasantly surprised to find that my battery is not dead. But this feature might appeal to the more technologically advanced among you.

Inside Man

Looks like we're on a movie kick today. In that spirit, just thought I'd note that Spike Lee's newest, Inside Man, got a great review from the NYTimes today. I can't wait to see it. Love all three of the leading actors and basically love every Spike Lee movie I've seen, even Bamboozled, which most people I know hated.

Coming Soon to a Theater Near You?

The 1998 Spanish film Torrente, a dark comedy about a corrupt cop, was a huge hit in Spain and considered one of the funniest movies ever made there. (Don't know what the competition was--Francisco Franco, Still Dead?) There have been two sequels. See here and here. Just this week, New Line paid 2 young writers in Hollywood to write an American version of the movie. Why, you ask, is Isaac reporting about this. No, it's not simply my love of the Spanish cinema (or, for that matter, my love of jambon). It seems that one of those two young writers is Isaac's little brother. As things progress, Isaac will be sure to provide you with all the info you need.

Isaac Doesn't Shaft South Park?

Not me Isaac, but Isaac Hayes. It seems that the story of Isaac's angrily quitting South Park over its disparaging scientology are a wee bit fishy. He had a stroke back in January and hasn't been saying much of anything of late. His spokesperson seems to be the source of the quotes, and Isaac, who needs the money, may, in fact, be back. See here and here. Yes, I know that the first of these is a Fox source, but they can be right some of the time. (Ask the VP.) I have last night's episode on Tivo, so I don't know exactly what happened with Chef, but I imagine if Isaac is back in the role, it will get a lot of attention.

Of course, I loved the other big story of last week--the war between Tom Cruise and South Park. Now, the MSM played this story as if Tom's big concern was the show's mocking of his "religion." But the title of the episode was "Trapped in the Closet." And Tom spent the whole episode in a closet and being repeatedly told to come out of the closet. And even John Travolta got to join him in the closet. I think Tom may have been a little bit peeved about something else. Now, I have no desire to see MI3, but Phillip Seymour Hoffman as the bad guy is intriguing (and he is getting a much deserved pay day), and Kerri Russell looks way too much like Katie based upon the trailer I saw.

Finally, the movie I am actually looking forward to is Nacho Libre. The plot summary: a Mexican priest who moonlights as a professional wrestler to raise money for his orphanage. Oh yeah, the priest/wrestler is played by Jack Black. My sources (who have seen the movie) tell me it is hillarious. I only wonder if a six-week old will enjoy it.

Jake G.

Jake + random guy, suggesting at least to Perez Hilton that Jake is Toothy Tile.

Dick Cheney and Me

We both like Diet Sprite.

I do not, however, require all televisions to be turned to FOX News. Fox or FX are more my speed.

The Chris Daughtry Controversy

It looks like bloggers and commenters of the world have spoken up and called out Chris D. for copying Live's rendition of Walk the Line. (FYI - I commented on Slezak's EW column. I wonder if I promted his reaction in today's column. That would be so cool! My comment, of course, was inspired by Bailey and Red's fury at Chris's copycatting.)

As for Kevin Covais finally getting voted off, I have to admit that I felt guilty for being so mean to him on this blog. He looked so sweet and sad and I always get choked up when they show the highlight reel. He actually seems like a genuinely interesting and good person.

Eww!

I just saw a mention on the Today Show of an artist/designer who's affixing little crystals to LIVE cockroaches, putting them on leashes, and calling them jewelry you have to feed. The model wearing the living broaches looked seriously disturbed. Poor cockroaches!

Real Housewives

I stopped watching Desperate Housewives about half-way through the first season, I just started to find it boring, but The Real Housewives of Orange County on the other hand, is very entertaining. Have any of the other Junkettes watched? It's Laguna Beach for a slightly more mature (ahem) demographic. And I mean slightly more mature. The show centers on a series of "housewives," defined loosely, living (mostly) in a gated community in Orange County. The "housewives" include a real estate saleswoman, an insurance mogul, a divorcee who's been banished from the gated paradise, and a very young fiancee who doesn't look like she's going to make it to wife status. In a show like this, casting is everything, and I think they've got a real winner on their hands. The women are charismatic enough to be entertaining, ridiculous enough to make the audience feel superior, diverse enough so that you can tell them apart, and every once in awhile they do have touches of self-awareness that make them slightly more than caricatures. I recommend.

American Idol Part III

I'm violating a Junkette rule and posting on an already-posted-about-twice subject. (Query whether there are too many hyphens there.) But it's necessary. I think last night's American Idol show was one of the best in Idol history. Michael Slezak of Entertainment Weekly agrees in today's post-show column. I'm just going to comment on last night's 7 show-stoppers:

Mandisa: OMG. She was plain amazing. I got chills. Really, chills. And she looked gorgeous.

Chris: I loved the twist he put on Johnny Black's Walk The Line. Granted he made it sound like every other song he's ever sang, but it was still brilliant. I would definitely buy his version of that song if it were for sale.

Paris: Again, I got chills. I thought she was perfect. She again reminded me of what I loved about Fantasia, but I think Paris might even be better. Wow.

Katharine: Again, I got chills. Yes, that's three sets of chills in one night! I don't know what else to say except that I think I have a girl crush on her.

Taylor: It wasn't my favorite performance of his, but still good enough that I called my dad as soon as he finished, yelling into the phone: "Isn't the grey-haired guy sooooo good??"

Elliott: I'm really rooting for him. I love his voice, and he has soul. I should throw this out there, though: I might secretly be rooting for him because he is Jewish and who would have thought there could possibly be a Jewish American Idol? Not me! Has a Jew even made it as far as Hollywood week before?

Kellie: The song was perfect, she sounded great, and I actually rewinded my DVR and watched her performance a second time to make sure I wasn't going crazy.

As for tonight's results show, I have a feeling Lisa will be gone. Though it probably should be Bucky based entirely on last night's performance. Kevin wasn't as painful as usual, but c'mon, what the hell is he doing in this competition? Seriously kids.

The Lion Sleeps

There's an interesting article in the Times today about the origins of the song "The Lion Sleeps Tonight." It started out as a song called "Mbube" (the Zulu word for lion), which was written by a black South African in 1939. In the 1950s, Pete Seeger recorded it with the Weavers, mispronouncing Mbube as "Wimoweh." The melody was then used to make the doo-wop song "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" in the 1960s, which was ultimately used in "The Lion King" in the 1990s. Sadly, but not really surprisingly, the author did not get anywhere near the royalties he should have, but -- to his credit -- Pete Seeger is now trying to help his family.

I had always known the doo-wop version, but was introduced to the older folk version by Nanci Griffith's fantastic 1993 album Other Voices Other Rooms, which includes a really great rendition of "Wimoweh" featuring Odetta. This story reminds me that I really need to get that album on cd.

American Idol

Red Fraggle must have been happy to see Taylor last night. He was dressed just like Matlock!

I thought most of the performances last night were pretty good. Except Lisa Tucker who was inexplicably horrible, and seemed to be rushing through the song.

The really interesting thing to me though was Barry Manilow. It was cool to see someone who has the vocabulary to talk about music beyond "It was a little pitchy" and "That sounded like a bad karaoke performance." I realize that the schtick with the judges is part of the show, but wouldn't it be nice if they had at least one judge who could offer constructive criticism?

American Idol, 11 left

A quick recap of my thoughts on American Idol. In general, I thought that this was a good night--I think that the contestants really benefit when they get interesting arrangements and attention from Manilow (every episode in which Manilow serves as a mentor, regardless of the season, is always a strong one for most of the contestants--last night was no exception).

In the order in which they appeared:

Mandisa: I thought she was great. Her body really throws me--she is obviously a very big woman. But her face is really small--if you saw her from the neck up you would think she was completely average-sized. I think she really does a great job wearing flattering clothing. I thought her singing was quite good.

Bucky: Poor Bucky. He just doesn't below. Simon may use his karaoke line quite a bit, but he was dead on when he said that's what Bucky sounded like.

Paris: I love Paris. I love Peggy Lee (Lady and the Tramp is one of my favorite movies ever). I thought Paris was great, although Simon seemed annoyed with her. What's that all about? Did he think it was "safe" or "boring?" With all of the theme nights they have, it would be stupid NOT to pick a genre you are very good at when given the opportunity, no?

Chris: Walk the Line is a really great song. Again, the judges went on and on about how unique Chris's arrangement was. But was it? Last week he sang "Higher Ground," using the Red Hot Chili Peppers' arrangement, but no one seemed to notice. I am wondering whether, similarly, this arrangement has already been used for "Walk the Line" and I am just not aware of it? If so, I wasn't that impressed. If not, I am more impressed. Edited to add: Bailey Quarters has informed me that Live covered "I Walk the Line" and, sure enough, after listening to it I can say it sounds JUST LIKE Chris's version last night. I am so annoyed right now. Why don't the judges point this out? Why do they go on about how he has stayed true to himself instead of saying "that was a cover of a cover of a great song--it sounds like karaoke of Live. What's the point?" There were points where I didn't think Chris's voice sounded that great, but more often than not it did. I am reminded of Simon's "recording artist" comment the first week Chris sang, and I really think it is true.

Katharine: She did really well. I thought that Mandisa and Paris both sounded better, but she was did a nice job.

Taylor: The song had four notes. It just wasn't impressive. And I hate him.

Lisa: She was bad. It was unfortunate, because I like her and I think that this might be her last day with us as a result of her performance. Also, she is young, and singing a song associated with Disney does not help to make her appear more mature.

Kevin: My boyfriend calls him "The Lisping Eunuch." Did anyone notice he got new glasses? They are square instead of round. I think that they look better. The boyfriend (I am sick of typing "the boyfriend" or "my boyfriend." From here on out he is "Gobo") thinks it is worse because with the round glasses he looked dorky, but now he looks creepy (which is worse). Gobo suggested that Kevin needs "a mean Jordy Ford visor." I have a feeling that is a Star Trek reference. [shudder]

Elliott: I was disappointed. I normally like Elliott, but I didn't think he was so great on this song. I was really surprised that the judges loved him. I think Elliott's true downfall is that he has no stage presence. The it factor is just not there.

Kellie: When I heard she was going to sing a Patsy Cline song I was worried she was going to slaughter it (I like Patsy Cline). She actually didn't do a bad job, for the most part. Her lower register is awful, so she was smart to pick a song that showcased her upper register. I am so sick of her stupid act, though. Two weeks ago Simon called her a "minx" and she immediately said "I'm a mink!" Let's just suspend disbelief and say that she didn't know what a minx was. WHY, two weeks later, is she calling herself a "mink" again, with Ryan again correcting her? Are we supposed to believe she didn't learn the word in two weeks? It's one thing to be wide-eyed and know nothing of the world, but it is quite another to pretend that is the case. Yuck.

Ace: Awful. His falsetto is awful, his singing was bad, and I don't understand the appeal of his stage presence. Seeing Constantine in the audience (who looked AWFUL) and seeing Ace sing just reinforced how many similarities they have (although I have to say, Constantine was a better singer--coming from me, that really says something about what I think of Ace's singing).

CNN: That story is SO last week

CNN reports today about the new mapped version of Gawker Stawker. Hello! That's so last week's news on Junkette.

March Madness

Yep, it's March, which means it's time once again for The Morning News' Tournament of Books. I thoroughly enjoyed last year's winner, Cloud Atlas.

This year features 16 books I haven't read, but some I've at least heard of. (Get your brackets here.) Today's match -- judged by former Gawker Choire Sicha -- pits number one seed The History of Love by Nicole Krauss against fourth seed The Time In Between. Can anyone really root for one half of what is routinely referred to as "New York's literary golden couple"? Not me. That's like rooting for Duke. The good news is that Krauss and her husband (Jonathan Safran Foer) are in in the same region and cannot both make it to the final four.

Jack Bauer Does It Again!

Jack Bauer is like the best CTU agent ever! Right. He doesn't work for CTU anymore. Anyway! He's like the best getting-bad-guys agent ever! Wasn't it brilliant how he programmed the memory card to explode in Treo's face? I loved it! A perfect Jack Bauerism! Now the German intelligence service won't have the U.S.'s WET list! Take that Germany!

And take that Karen Hayes, director of Homeland who thinks she can boss Bill Buchanan and Chloe O'Brien around! The phone battle between her and Jack was awesome! She might think she is in charge now, but it will always be Jack and Co.'s show!

Actually, it's President Logan's show! (He might be the all-time best supporting character on the show. How funny is he! He's such a spineless, incompetent jerk that my husband and I burst out laughing every time he utters a sentence!) He's imposed martial law in the city of Los Angeles! And a curfew!

But seriously, last night's episode was awesome, particularly the last few seconds. I wasn't expecting the terror-broker lady to tell Jack that it was AUDREY RAINES who sold her the schematics for the next attack!

Could Audrey possibly be involved in the terrorist attack? I have to think NO. But whether Jack believes the terror-broker lady or instead trusts his love for Audrey will surely be excellent television. I can't wait!

And in the role of Fredo . . .

seems to be AJ Soprano. AJ's thinking he can avenge dear old dad is really not going to end well. (That's Fredo (as in Corleone) not Frodo (as in Baggins) if you are confused by the reference.) Yet the contrasts between the Godfather and the Sopranos is actually quite poignant. Remember that after Vito was unsuccessfully attacked, Michael came into his own (for better or (more likely) worse) and avenged his father. That AJ is looking for revenge against his incompetent uncle (as opposed to the Turk and a crooked police captain) just starts to show the differences b/w the two oustanding epics.

Some other great moments from last night's episode:

1. Truly an amazing performance last night by Edie Falco--her pain and love for Tony were never more obvious or better acted.

2. Vito's comments that Eugune (the hit man) might have killed himself because he was a closeted homosexual was great psychology considering Vito's dark secret. I feel this will not stay secret much longer and Vito will not be having a pleasant retirement.

3. Tony's latest dream. Is it purgatory? Is it an alternate world? Is the name Kevin Finnery (sounds like infinity or Infiniti as the bar patron pointed out) great? Have we now entered the Odyssey where Tony must reclaim his identity in order to return from the netherworld--I think so. "I mean who am I?" --Tony Soprano. "I am no one." --Odysseus. The lights; the helicopter; the commercial; the buddhist monks. Too much!

Until next week . . .

Really??

Apparently Sting is not only a strip club devotee (am I alone in thinking this is weird; he's been married (allegedly happily) for ages) but he's opening his own club in NY.

My life is turning upside down. First I call Vin Diesel a moving actor, and now this.

Toothy Tile

I never thought that I of all the Junkettes would have inside information but . . . Toothy Tile is Topher Grace! My source is confidential, so don't even ask.

TAR

Moscow! It's always fun when they go to a city you know well, and I lived in Moscow for a few years when I was little -- in Soviet times, as they say. Wasn't Novodevichy pretty? And St. Basil's Cathedral? Of course, they also showed some of the unrelenting grayness that I remember so well.

As for the race itself, BJ and Tyler are sort of growing on me. Their self-conscious "wackiness" is pretty tiresome, but they seem like nice people and you can't dispute that they're good racers. Joseph and Monica's teaming up with Dave and Lori makes me like them more.

I am still liking Ray and Yolanda and Wanda and Desiree. But, for future reference, when you're at a pool and the clue mentions taking a plunge, it might be a good idea to have the people who are not terrified of water do the task.

Danielle and Dani: on the one hand, it was pretty cool how they dealt with a pretty major setback with such equanimity; on the other hand, how do they not see that Eric and Jeremy are complete tools?

Fran and Berry: I prefer my old people spunky and upbeat, rather than crabby and pessimistic.

Lake and Michelle: hate, from the beginning of the episode to the end. Also, I cannot fathom why Michelle thought she would have to jump off the diving board naked. Does she not realize that she is on a TV show that airs during primetime?

Looking forward to tomorrow's episode!

ETA: I am pretty sure that the theater where the "scour" detour takes place is the same Dubrovka Theater that was seized by Chechen terrorists in 2002, which the Russian police gassed after a two-day siege, resulting in the deaths of more than 100 hostages. HBO did a truly disturbing documentary about this incident. I find it sort of creepy that they would use this as a location.

Find Me Guilty

Today I faced a daunting choice in matinees: She's the Man or Find Me Guilty. And this is something I never thought I'd say, but because I felt like watching a grown-up movie I picked the one starring Vin Diesel.

This is hardly the first time I've seen a Vin Diesel flick. It's the voice. It's low and scratchy and I'm powerless to resist. I saw xXx on opening weekend. But in Find Me Guilty he's really good! He's emotional and expressive, a little bit heart-breaking and more than a little bit paunchy. The supporting cast is generally great as well. Without sheepishness I can recommend this movie as a very good courtroom drama.

Pitt-Jolie Wedding

Apparently they are getting married this weekend at George Clooney's Lake Como villa. And according to EWonline, all the Italians are getting excited.

The OC

Is it just me or does the OC plain stink this year? As I ignored tonight's episode while it played in the background of my online poker game (shhhh!), I thought of all the things I miss from past seasons:

1. Kiki's alcoholism. That was great. But perhaps I have an unhealthy fascination with people struggling with alcoholism on TV and in the movies. (When A Man Loves A Woman is one of my all-time favorite movies if that tells you anything. I sob like a crazy person every time Meg Ryan gives that darn gut-wrenching speech at the end of the movie.)

2. Seth. Period. In particular, he made last season one of the best, and this season he's just, well, sort of a boring background character.

3. I can't believe I'm saying this but I miss Lindsay. You know, the red head who was Caleb's long-lost daughter. The chemistry between her and Ryan was actually semi-believable, which is of course a step up from the chemistry between Ryan and Marissa.

4. Caleb. By far one of the best O.C. characters ever. I can't believe they would kill him off. Bring Caleb back! He has to be alive somewhere! Maybe he can save JuJu from this god-awful plot with Summer's dad.

5. Sandy having an emotional and almost- almost!- physical affair with a bloated version of Kim Delaney. I mean that was great television! The most noble father and husband on TV tempted by an old love! Would he or wouldn't he? Of course he didn't because he's Sandy Cohen and that's why we love him.

6. Alex. Remember her? The Bait Shop manager (?) Anywho, I loved the dynamic between her and Seth before she was the show's lesbian, and then thought that the Marissa-Alex love story was actually entertaining in that this-is-why-i-watch-shows-like-the-OC kind of way.

Dancing With the Star

For my first foray into the world of pop culture, a brief story. On Oscar night, my parents (let's call them the Washingtons) arrived in Los Cabos for a stay at Esperanza, the uber-fabulous resort. (Ms. Wilder can confirm as I believe she stayed there on her honeymoon). My mother saw Lisa Rinna being interviewed after the Oscars and she (Lisa Rinna, not my mom) stated that she was headed to Mexico in the morning. Lo and behold, whom did my parents see the next day at the pool but Harry Hamlin and Lisa (wearing a very small bikini). My father had to ask Lisa if she wanted to dance. And you wonder where my sense of humor comes from.

Two Worlds Collide

The second item here, about one of the contestants on ANTM, is interesting, for reasons that will be obvious to people who know the junkettes IRL.

SciFi

Hello fellow junkettes. I've been away on a very important mission, but I missed you all terribly, and I'm happy to be back.

I think I might be the only junkette who watches this show, so I have to post to say that Friday's season finale of Battlestar Galactica was excellent. BSG is such a great show. I know that there are a lot of sci fi haters out there, but don't let your hate keep you from giving it a try. As you may recall from the 1970s version, the context of the show is that the humans are on the run from the cylons, who are bent on destroying their civilization. Using this as a backdrop, the show has explored themes such as the morality of torture, religious fundamentalism, and the feasibility of democratic rule in a time of war. Ring any bells?

Anyway, Friday's show featured great acting, plot developments that totally change the framework of the show, and hair extensions! You have until October to catch up on the miniseries and the first two seasons, all of which are available on iTunes.

The People's Champions

The post below about Ed v. Spencer reminded me of a show I watched a few years ago on FX called The People's Champions. Basically, the show consisted of really, really stupid competitions, like who could run the wrong way up an escalator with two shopping bags more quickly, who could sit in an office chair and make it roll the furthest, who could throw the most grapes into a plumber's butt crack and who could wear a large prosthetic ass and knock over the fewest number of things in a china shop while getting through it in the fastest time.

The entire show was done super-seriously, complete with a haughty British announcer and commentary such as "As our young judge sprints towards the phone like a fruit weasel down a trouser leg" during the competition to see who could throw a cell phone the furthest. Doesn't this sound like a show everyone would love to watch? So many of the challenges were office-related that I wonder whether I would have been crowned a People's Champion. I don't understand how the show could have possibly failed. I guess being aired late at night on the weekends on FX didn't help. Did anyone else ever watch? I loved that show.

Drinks Will Be Served on the Lido Deck

Just to offer a fresh (and male) perspective on things, for some reason your favorite bartender has been invited to add his two cents. Sadly, although I have little to add on reality TV (although for some sick reason I continue to watch the Apprentice, which has gone from comedy to tragedy to farce), I do have thoughts on my favorite HBO shows as well as excellent fare such as Lost and the under appreciated Scrubs. I also ask for a moment of silence for the almost certainly late and too little lamented classic, Arrested Development. If you didn't watch it, shame on you. I may also have some tidbits from my high placed sources inside Hollywood--and I do have a few. In the weeks to come, you may have to prepare yourself for some fascinating info on labor and delivery, feeding a baby, and attempting to work on very little sleep as my wife and I prepare to experience the joys of parenthood. We are at T -38 days and counting for those keeping score at home. Finally, I won't be able to resist some thoughts on March Madness, the start of baseball season, and (if the urge hits) a little politics. Strap yourselves in cuz it's going to be a bumpy ride.

That's What Happens . . .

. . . when you forget the lyrics to your song on American Idol. Silly Melissa McGhee. I was embarassed for her. And happy she didn't get enough sympathy votes to keep her in the Top 12. You know Ayla was sitting at home thinking that there was no way in hell she would have forgotten her lyrics! She's a star basketball player! An A student! It's her job never to make silly mistakes in life!

Besides, isn't there a teleprompter? It takes real genius to both forget the words + be unable to read the big screen in front of your face telling you exactly what to sing.

Ugh. And that goddamn Kevin Covais is still around.

Amateur Tabloids

Those of you who don't regularly read the sites we link to on this blog may be unfamiliar with Gawker Stalker. It's a chance for NY residents (or visitors) to play amateur tabloid reporter and share their sightings of celebrities in NY, along with commentary on the celeb's clothing, companions, degree of glow/grunge, and level of diva-tude/regular-joe-ishness. Recently Gawker added a new feature. Using Google Maps, they're linking the sightings to the celeb's location, and celebrity publicists are not happy.

Gawker's LA sister publication, Defamer, has its version, Privacy Watch, without the maps.

Gross? Entertaining? Dangerous? I'm curious about my fellow Junkettes' (and anyone else's) opinions about this. Personally, I enjoy reading about how teeny-tiny Kristen Chenoweth looked in the elevator of her publicist's building and how sad Mike Meyers appeared while waiting for his Sunday-morning pancakes.

Set your TiVo: Ed v. Spencer

So, there is a new show that premieres a week from tonight (March 23) at 11pm on BBC America that's supposed to be awesome. It's called Ed v. Spencer, and my very dear friend (and BBC America employee) swears we'll love it. She says its bloody funny and the perfect thing to Tivo for Hangover Saturday On The Couch.

Here's a review from the April/May edition of Giant magazine:

This hysterical British import follows two best friends around London as they challenge each other to battles of will, strength and intellect with competitions like "Who Can Put on the Most Weight?" "Who Can Stay Handcuffed to the Other the Longest?" and "Who Can Make the Best Porn Film?" But don't confuse Ed vs. Spencer with collegiate shows such as Jackass, Viva La Bam or Fear Factor. The genius of this show doesn't stem from the actual stunts, it lies in watching the goofball roommates--the methodical, earnest Spencer and the sophomoric, devilish Ed--excitedly plot to screw each other over. It's so engaging you don't even care who wins. Each episode ends with the humiliation round, wherein the challenge winner gets to force the loser to do things like clean their apartment with only his tongue. Ok, so maybe part of the fun is in the stunts. Grade: A

Never-Changing Paris

Found a link to this brilliant montage of Paris Hilton on US Weekly's blog.

Lindsay Lohan apparently suffers from a similar posing rut.

Jessica Pregnant?

Ted is reporting a rumor today that Jessica Simpson is pregnant! That, if true, is such a shocker. I don't think I was alone in thinking that at least one reason for the breakup with Nick was because he is an adult and she, well, she isn't. It's almost as hard to imagine Jessica as a mom as it was to imagine . . . Britney.

Crisp Lisp and Toothy Tile

So who is the male star who was seen at a major post-Oscar fete being very affectionate with a same-sex partner, in apparently the first time this star has swung from that side of the plate?

A brief history for the uninitiated: Ted Casablancas is a gossip columnist for E! Online. Ted is pretty respected and his gossip is considered more reliable than much of what is out there. Like many gossip columnists, Ted sometimes runs "Blind Items." The idea behind a Blind Item (or BI) is that it is so juicy and secret (and difficult to corroborate) that the columnist can't share it with the public for fear of a lawsuit. Of course, the mystery of a blind item makes it so popular, and they are many readers' favorite aspects of a column, so I am sure many columnists sometimes fabricate them.

About a year ago Ted Casablancas did a blind item about someone he called "Toothy Tile" (the subject of a blind item is usually given a jangly name of some sort). In short, the story of Toothy was that he was a young up-and-comer in Hollywood who was gay (or bi) and closeted. The story went that Toothy, who had recently broken up with a dimpled, popular, annoyingly perfect girlfriend, had sometimes thought of coming out, but people around him always convinced him not to.

Unlike most blind items, which are run in one or, more rarely, two columns, never to reappear, Ted brought up Toothy several times over the period of a year. Ted also would run reader guesses as to Toothy's identity in his column, eliminating certain celebrities. By the end of the year, Ted had eliminated almost every man in Hollywood except for Jake Gyllenhaal, and the clues seemed to fit him well. Internet chatter revealed a general belief that Gyllenhaal was Toothy. (For Ted's postings regarding Toothy, see this, which shows you all of the links to Ted's Toothy columns--or at least 40 of 48 of them; to see the first eight, just run the search at the top of the page again.)

Last week, Ted decided that Toothy was old news and a new star was more intriguing.* Ted wrote that this man, dubbed Crisp Lisp, was seen at a major Hollywood party after the Oscars very close with another man, and it was clear to everyone that they were together and weren't trying to hide it. Ted tells us that this seems to be Crisp's first try at a serious gay relationship. He also drops some hints about Crisp's identity--he is quiter than Tara Reed (who isn't?), he has "a detrator, or three" in Hollywood and he has been at a bunch of high-profile parties of late.

Ted also eliminated three actors from the running: Terrence Howard, Matt Dillon and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers. Often, this is the best clue, as there will often be something that links the three eliminated choices with the actual subject of the BI.

So, who is Crisp Lisp? Many think it is Joaquin Phoenix. Like Howard, Dillon and Rhys-Meyers, he has been nominated for a Golden Globe and/or Academy Award this year. Also, Ted later ran a reader guess and eliminated Philip Seymour Hoffman from the mix, stating that Philip Seymour Hoffman was not Crisp and that Crisp was "a tad less celebrated." Many thought this confirmed the Joaquin guess, as Hoffman won the Oscar Phoenix was up for, and many thought that Phoenix was Hoffman's major competition. In that same column Ted also eliminated Nick Lachey, saying that Nick was more "vocal (spoken)" and that Crisp was "super insular." Again, many think this points to Joaquin, who is generally considered quiet and private. And they think that the (spoken) qualifier after saying Crisp was less vocal than Lachey is a nod to the fact that Phoenix did, in fact, sing throughout "Walk the Line." Also, the fact that this is reportedly Crisp's first attempt at a relationship with a man fits in with Phoenix's previous relationship with Liv Tyler and his rumored falling for Reese Witherspoon while filming Walk the Line.

But is it Joaquin? Rumors also abound that he is dating Eva Mendez. Is he dating her? Is she a beard? And if Crisp Lisp was so obvious at this major Hollywood party, why hasn't any columnist written anything about it? Wouldn't it be common knowledge?

Personally, I am really stumped on this one. As clues we have someone who:
Is trying out men for the first time
Has been to many high-profile parties recently
Has a detractor or three in Hollywood
Is a tad less celebrated than Philip Seymour Hoffman
Is quiet
Is insular

Anyone have any thoughts? I love talking about this stuff (a mystery worthy of Jessica Fletcher...or Laura Holt). I must admit, however, that it really seems wrong to out someone who doesn't want to be, even if that person is a celebrity (although the implication here is that Crisp isn't trying to hide anything). Of course, since I have no inside Hollywood gossip, I personally can't out anyone, and love playing the guessing game.

ETA: Another layer to the mystery. Many people noted that Joaquin mouthed "I love ___" to the camera during the Oscar Ceremony. To test your lip reading skills, watch it here. Sorry Red, didn't want to mess with your good post, but can't work the links in the comments. --Laura Holt // No problem Holt. I have heard that he was mouthing the name of his neice/nephew, but don't know whether that is true. --Red

*Oh, and a very interesting sidenote. The day Ted's columns appear the front page will have teasers, featuring three celebrities with a word over each face. These words relate to gossip about those celebrities, which appears inside of the column. On the day that Ted's column contained the Crisp Lisp BI, one of the photos on the front of the column was of Jake Gyllenhaal with the word "Competition?" written across it. (See this link to Defamer to get the visual.) What's interesting--Jake was not mentioned ONCE in Ted's entire column. But Toothy was, as someone who had lost out to Crisp Lisp in being the most interesting closet case in Hollywood. Most who have noticed this are considering it virtual confirmation from Ted that Jake is, in fact, Toothy.

A.I.: The Answer

No, not Allen Iverson. The other A.I. in our lives, American Idol. TV Guide channel clearly thinks it is the answer to getting some better ratings (could their ratings get worse? Who watches this channel?). As if there isn't already enough Idol, what with three shows a week (although starting this week, we are back down to two), the TV Guide Channel has decided we need more, and is going to air a "pregame show" an hour before each Idol show.

Don't get me wrong--I love Idol. But I love the performances. I do not love Ryan Seacrest's "jokes." I do not love the pre-taped segments. I do not love the interviews with the contestants. I just like the singing and the judges' comments. But two extra hours of Idol a week (which I will not be watching) is not the worst of it. Oh no. The host of this new show (appropriately titled "Idol Tonight"): Kimberly Caldwell.

You might remember Kimberly. She of the eternally surprised eyebrow. She of Idol "rocker" status. She who didn't seem to understand "It's Still Rock and Roll to Me" consists of two parts--Billy Joel singing for his detractors and also singing his responses--but rather sang it all continuously, no inflections, no question marks, no pauses. She of the screechy voice and no talent. She of the short denim skirts and ankle boots. She is the host on this show.

Why doesn't she go away? What has she done to deserve any more airtime?

And this week's Idol guest judge? Stevie Wonder. At least he won't be bothered by Taylor's tics and mannerisms. I hope he hates Taylor as much as I do. That would be the ultimate validation for Taylor's singing voice being sub-par. Actually, it is unclear if Stevie is a guest judge or if he is just making a special guest appearance of some sort.

And this week's theme? I bet you guessed. Stevie Wonder songs. Because we haven't heard those enough. I guess the only questions are who won the fight to sing "Ma Cherie Amour" and "Isn't She Lovely" and who had to settle for "I Just Called to Say I Love You."

Post-Game

In the spirit of making sure we have at least one new post every day, here are some post-game thoughts on last night's HBO shows and other miscellaneous matters.

1. Sopranos - Perhaps another Junkette will blog in more detail about last night's premiere, but I'll just say I thought it was awesome. I'm really liking the Carmela/Tony dynamic, and I like some of the new characters that they have seamlessly inserted into the story. This is one of the few shows worth waiting 13 months for a new season.

2. Big Love - After reading such amazing reviews, I was totally psyched for the premiere last night and of course found myself disappointed. I thought it was a little slow, and I just didn't get engaged in any of the characters. I'm not writing it off yet, but I hope next week's show grabs me or else it will be the last time I save Grey's Anatomy for Monday night viewing.

3. Grey's Anatomy - See above. It's on my Tivo to-do list for tonight.

4. Is it really possible that Britney and KFed are pregnant again? That's scary.

5. I heard that Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend are over. I'm not the least big surprised. It follows the my-wife/fiance/girlfriend-is -more-successful-than-me-and-our-relationship-therefore-fails pattern that seems to plague Hollywood. (Chad and Hillary are the most recent example of this sad trend. But the list goes on and on.)

Weekend Entertainment

Spring is in the air, and for this Junkette, that means it's time for a pedicure and a romantic comedy. I would have seen it this weekend anyway, but thankfully the NY Times gave Failure to Launch a decent review. Yippee!

Now, I know there are those out there who don't like Matthew McConaughey, or even more common, those that don't like Sarah Jessica Parker, but I'm not one of them. Can't wait.

Whaaaa? Part II

I can't believe Gedeon got voted off American Idol. In a class of sub-par singers, I thought he was a standout. How Kevin Covais gets to the final 12 and Gedeon gets sent home is beyond me. That's the problem with me and these reality shows. I get emotionally attached. I was pissed at the voters (notwithstanding the fact that I don't vote.). It just doesn't seem fair. In fact it reeks of unfairness. And Ged's farewell rendition of When A Man Loves A Woman was truly outstanding. I was especially upset because he was the only black male singer in the competition. Bummer.

Ace at least won some points with me the way he was hugging Paris while she cried during Gedeon's last performance.

Sigh. I really don't know if I can stand watching one more Kevin Covais performance.

US Weekly's Blog

US Weekly has a blog. Who knew.

Project Runway

I don't know how to do links in comments, so I'm posting here to pictures of the collections: here's Chloe, Daniel, and Santino. And also Kara. (She's pretty out there -- nothing like what we saw on the show -- but I like some of her dresses.)

I was surprised to see Chloe win. I didn't like her fabrics and she didn't seem to have a "point of view" as they say. On the other hand some of her dresses were gorgeous -- especially the one Grace wore, and the brown one. She's also the most likeable, I think. I loved Daniel throughout, but he really seemed to get a little arrogant toward the end.

As for Daniel's collection, sure it was the only one that I could imagine wearing, but that's because it's sportswear. But I really didn't like the leather jerkin thing (why go there again), or the brocade fabric, or the little badges, or a lot of the necklines of the tops. I also thought the hem of the coat looked uneven. And some of the pants looked almost like leggings.

I really warmed to Santino over these last two shows, and I think his collection was the prettiest. But I see what they mean about the fit, and I think that echoes a theme throughout the show, which is that Santino seems to forget that clothes are made for people to wear. Specifically, women.

Update: More Project Runway links: Tim Gunn's blog; and Heather Havrilesky agrees with Red Fraggle (warning: ad viewing required).

Whaaaa???!!!!!!

I am in a bit of a state of shock after watching Project Runway. When the winner was announced I just stared at the television, open-mouthed.

I thought that there was a clear worst collection in the finale--Chloe's. I didn't like how she used the same exact pattern material twice in a row, and both items were dresses. Actually, she did this with two different patterns at two different times in her collection. She also used the same bright Pepto Bismol pink color twice (the first time on an absolutely hideous concotion of billowing sleeves and balloon skirt). Someone complimented her seams (I think Michael Kors with Heidi agreeing), and they are very pretty. But maybe Santino was right--maybe she really is more of a pattern-maker. I believe Nina said at one point that the collection was very one-note, and she was right. All she did were dresses, except for one brown suit (which I liked best of everything, along with Diana's dress). It was monotonous, and I thought that the overly '80s feel was just too dated (no matter how "in" the '80s are right now).

I agreed that Daniel's collection didn't have a unifying theme, but there were a lot of very cute outfits that I would wear. I loved the white jacket, and there were a bunch of dresses that were very cute. It all looked very wearable. I would have declared him the winner, particularly because he showed a lot of versatility in the styles as well as the types of clothes he made. (I was shocked that Rebecca almost fell, though!)

I really liked Santino's collection as well. I thought he had some pretty outfits, and unlike Chloe I appreciated how he put a big gap in between the two dresses he had done in the same, pink-green-cream multicolor chiffon (or similarly airy fabric). The judges were so hypocritical to harp on him challenge after challenge for being too out there, using too many flounces and embellishments, and then criticize his collection for being too mature and safe. I thought he did the best job of sticking to a theme (and Chloe's "theme" of "my dream collection" doesn't seem like a theme at all), and I really loved his 13th item.

In the end, I thought Chloe was by far the worst, and when forced to choose between Daniel and Santino, I would have chosen Daniel (and I wasn't as huge a Daniel fan as most throughout this competition). I was really shocked that they gave it to Chloe, as was my boyfriend. I gasped, and then we both sat in silence for a minute. I still cannot come to a justification about her win.

Boys Rule on Idol

The women last night were either painful or forgettable and so not worth blogging about. Even the usual stand-outs like Paris and Lisa were pretty bad. And although Mandisa seemed to get the best reaction from the judges, I wasn't particularly blown away. The fast-paced songs from her don't do it for me; I prefer her singing the make-the-hair-on-your-arm-stand-up ballads. I prefer everyone singing ballads for that matter. Except Kevin Covais that is. Which brings me to the boys.

I thought the boys were a far cry better than the girls. Almost all of them were good. Except Kevin Covais. I just don't get it. I can't believe he is on this show. Not only do I think he is awkward to watch, but I don't even think he has a good voice. I'm completely puzzled about what he's doing in this competition and why the judges keep acting like he's remotely good.

As for the others:
1. Gideon - I really like him. He does talk really slow, though. I may also be biased because When A Man Loves A Woman was my wedding song.
2. Bucky - I thought he was pretty good. Not great, and he'll probably go home tomorrow, but I still think he has a nice raspy country rock voice. And he seems like a very good and genuine soul.
3. Chris - I thought he was pretty awesome. I'm a big fan of his voice. Though he's going to run out of those type of songs pretty quickly so he better be good at another genre too. Especially once it gets down to the final 12 and they make them sing a different genre each week.
4. Will - He's just so precious and I actually enjoyed his performance. And he is learning Japanese! Simon was particularly harsh to him tonight. Boo Simon.
5. Taylor - By far my favorite. I thought he was amazing tonight. Even with my eyes open.
6. Elliott - I can't get over how good his voice is. Not my favorite song choice, but I could listen to his voice for hours.
7. Ace - I guess it was good. I'm still deciding. In any case, he's really hot.


My predictions to go home:
Kinnik, Melissa, Kevin, and either Bucky or Will.

PSA: Google Reader

I'm a sucker for all Google products. I use G-mail, Google Maps (check out this version with a pedometer), and of course Blogger. This weekend, I stumbed across another awesome tool -- Google Reader. It's basically one-stop shopping for blogs. You subscribe to the feeds of your favorite blogs and new posts are collected for you on one page.

Not all blogs have the necessary feeds, but we do, as do some of our favorites, including Television Without Pity, Gawker, Defamer, and Go Fug Yourself.

There are a few drawbacks. You can't read comments. Some blogs don't syndicate the full post, but only the first line or so, so you have to go to the original post to read the whole thing. Sometimes, it takes a while for posts to show up. And sometimes, mysteriously, it will show you posts you've already read (but it's in beta, so maybe they'll fix that). The great thing about it is that, unlike many other aggregators, it's web-based, so you don't have to download software and you can check it from any computer that has an internet connection.

One More Oscar Fashion Post

Since Red didn't mention these in her post, I just want to point out two more Oscar dresses.

Meryl Streep

I loved her dress. It's very flattering and not matronly. But at the same time, not too young or starlet-y for her. Unfortunately, it's hard to find good pictures of it.

Felicity Huffman

This Zac Posen dress was on a lot of people's best-dressed lists. I totally don't get it. First, way too much sternum showing. Second, I do not like the mesh inserts on the sides.

Spying on Myself

Last night I took one for the Junkette team and checked out Spying on Myself on A&E, the new reality show Bailey thought looked intriguing from the previews she saw while on her sick couch last week. And . . . interesting idea, horribly uninteresting execution. I had to fast-forward through much of it, which is saying something because it's only a half hour show and how much boring footage can a half-hour show cram in? (That's a rhetorical question, but if you need an answer my estimate is 27 minutes.) It was just . . . dull. From a situation that you'd think would have all sorts of drama (eavesdropping on conversations about YOU), the producers managed to ring not even a little bit, while the strain of trying to make something happen was painfully evident. Don't bother.

Amazing Race, week two

Picks for tonight's Amazing Race:

Diane Chambers (currently with four points)
1. BJ & Tyler
2. Eric & Jeremy
3. Wanda & Desiree
4. Lake & Michelle
5. Ray & Yolanda
6. Lori & David
7. Joseph & Monica
8. Dani & Danielle
9. Barry & Fran
10. Lisa & Joni

Red Fraggle (currently with seven points)
1. Eric & Jeremy
2. BJ & Tyler
3. Ray & Yolanda
4. Lake & Michelle
5. Wanda & Desiree
6. David & Lori
7. Danielle & Dani
8. Monica & Joseph
9. Fran & Barry
10. Lisa & Joni

Laura Holt (currently with seven points)
1. BJ & Tyler
2. Eric & Jeremy
3. Wanda & Desiree
4. Ray & Yolanda
5. Dave & Lori
6. Joseph & Monica
7. Dani & Danielle
8. Lake & Michelle
9. Lisa & Joni
10. Fran & Barry

Bailey Quarters (currently with 11 points)
1. BJ and Tyler
2. Ray and Yolanda
3. Eric and Jeremy
4. Wanda and Desiree
5. Dave and Lori
6. Joseph and Monica
7. Lake and Michelle
8. Danielle and Dani
9. Fran and Barry
10. Lisa and Joni

Laura Ingalls Wilder (currently with eight points)
1. Eric and Jeremy
2. BJ and Tyler
3. Wanda and Desiree
4. David and Lori
5. Lake and Michelle
6. Ray and Yolanda
7. Joseph and Monica
8. Fran and Barry
9. Danielle and Dani
10. Lisa and Joni

Replacement Apprentice?

Bailey's already posted on why the Apprentice has outlived its allotted period, and the NY Times has an article today about a potential replacement that sounds absolutely fabulous. This guy not only seems much wittier than Mr. Trump, he comes with the bonus English accent! Here's hoping it actually ends up on the air.

Ponyboy

C. Thomas Howell is on 24! He seems potentially evil.

Update: Laura Palmer's dad is the Vice President. That is one creepy-looking dude.

Oscar fashion: the good, the bad and the Dolly

The best part of the Oscars, of course, is looking at the gowns worn by those in attendance. Yes, I did say gowns. I did not say tuxes. I really could not care less what the men wear. Even when Samuel L. Jackson shows up in a purple velvet tuxedo with a matching old man hat (you know, those hats he wears everywhere), it isn't close to as exciting as what the women are wearing.

The Good

Michelle Williams



Michelle needs to stop looking at Heath Ledger every second she has. Look at the camera, Michelle! You can do it. I suspect in this picture, Heath is right outside of the frame. And Michelle is looking right at him. I understand that she is in love, but...really? Does love mean having a crick in your neck? I guess so. And I don't like how skinny she is. In "Dawson's Creek" she was the fat one next to Katie Holmes. In "Dick" she looked quite large next to Kirsten Dunst. Put her next to Kirsten right now and I suspect Kiki would go running to the bathroom. Not good. She needs to put on some weight.

BUT, I love her outfit. I love the color of this dress on her--not many people can pull off yellow. It fits her well. And most importantly, it seems that Michelle knows who she is. She isn't a Hollywood sex symbol. She isn't Julia Roberts, Charlize Theron, Uma Thurman or Halle Berry. She isn't even Reese Witherspoon or Keira Knightley. She is a little different, a little quirky, and her clothing choices reflect that. I like it.

Michelle's truly saving grace tonight--she wasn't boring. And almost everyone else was.

Hilary Swank



One of my gripes with the clothing for the night was that it was generally boring in color. Nude and black was all over the place. However, Hilary Swank looks so good in her dress, it doesn't matter what color it is. I don't know what kind of corset she is wearing, but her waist is ridiculously small. I love that you can see a very, very tiny stomach bulge. It makes her look almost human.

Uma Thurman

Again, a neutral color. But it doesn't matter. She is Uma and it looks amazing. And so much better than that milkmaid costume from a few years ago.



The Bad

Keira Knightley



I know Holt is going to kill me. I don't care. The bodice of this dress has the same style that Halle Berry wore a few years ago--it has been called the Breast Sling. However, the difference is that Halle has breasts. So although the breast sling wasn't great on Halle, she could pull it off. On Keira, the sling squashes the very little she has by way of bosom. And the color of the dress (that dark wine-but-if-it-hits-the-light-it-is-black color) looks like something one of my friends wore to the Eighth Grade Dinner Dance in 1989. And the necklace creeped me out.

Reese Witherspoon



The dress didn't look that bad from the waist up. But the bottom is just so boring. It's too wide, and makes a really pretty girl with nice legs look dowdy. Reese has really played this awards season all wrong. Before this season she was thought to have great fashion sense. After this season, when she has had more exposure than ever before, she comes out looking frumpy. But at least she has an Oscar.

Jennifer Aniston



How many times can this woman wear a black sheath dress with her hair down? Back when she and Brad were hippies together her hair was usually wavy/curly, but now she is back to the straight. Would it kill her to put her hair up? Wear a ballgown? Try out some blue or green or pink? WHY IS SHE SO BORING? She's the anti-Michelle Williams.

Naomi Watts



I kind of feel like I'm kicking a girl when she's down. Heath Ledger left her and now he and Michelle Williams are plastered on every magazine, with all of the insiders going on about how in love they are. Now it looks like she and Liev Schreiber are having problems as well, and there are rumors he and Winona Ryder are close. But that is no excuse for this dress. The color is awful for her (she seems to like the white/champagne family, but it doesn't like her) and the weird bunching at the waist/hips...I just don't understand it.

Lisa Rinna



Okay, the dress isn't that bad, but for the horizontal strap right below her collarbone. But...WHAT IS LISA RINNA DOING AT THE ACADEMY AWARDS?!?!?!?! [Edited to add: Lisa was working as a correspondent for Access Hollywood. I feel awful. How could I have put Lisa on the worst-dressed list when she was at the Oscars for legitimate purposes? I love Lisa! Billie from Days, Taylor from Melrose, Logan's mom from Veronica Mars, totally tanorexic.... I hang my head in shame.]

Charlize Theron. No need to repost Bailey's photo from below. The bow was awful. I think that had the bow been taken away, it would have looked okay, but not great, as it didn't seem to fit properly. The color is really pretty, but the bow was horrid.

The Pockets

Brown dresses featuring pockets was a bit of a theme. I generally don't love the pockets. What is their purpose? Handwarmers? It can't be that cold if the dress is so open at the top. A place for her lipstick and keys? I doubt it, it would ruin the line of the dress.

Amy Adams



Amy just looks so excited to be at the Academy Awards, I like that the dress is different, and it's kind of cute. Again, don't love the pockets, and it is a little busy in general, but I like this because she was different and it looks whimsical.

Maggie Gyllenhaal



I actually think Maggie has done a pretty good job, for Maggie. She is smiling! Her hair is done! But the fabric looks wrong, and the top isn't doing her breasts any favors. But still--major Gyllenhaal improvement!

The Feud

I didn't think either Jennifer had her best night last night, but they were both different enough to warrant a mention. So they get their own category.

Jennifer Lopez



I am sure I was not the only one hoping that the camera would sweep over to J.Lo when Jennifer Garner almost fell on her face walking to present her award. I'm not sure loved J.Lo's dress, but I think it was different enough to warrant this category. I like the front of J.Lo's, but I didn't like the straps. And although I don't think that the color works for her, I think she looked good.

Jennifer Garner



Like her rival, I'm not sure I loved Garner's dress either, as I thought it was a bit boring, but she looks so good coming off of her pregnancy. Healthy. And much prettier than she was when she was preggers (she was no Heidi Klum while with child).

The Dolly



What can one say about Dolly that hasn't already been said before? Got to love her. Also got to be a bit concerned by how thin she is. Remember her in 9 to 5? She was nice and chunky. Oh, well. Still love her.

What happened?

I'm not familiar with the ways of Hollywood. But I suspect that Charlize Theron had dozens of dresses to choose from for last night's Oscars. It's hard to imagine the thought process that led her to choose this one.

George Clooney--Not Quite the Historian

I'm sure this will probably be mentioned in news stories tomorrow (although ABC news just showed a clip of the below quote, with no comment), but George Clooney's speech contained a pretty big gaffe.

While exalting Hollywood and its noble fight for liberal causes, George said "This Academy, this group of people gave Hattie McDaniel an Oscar in 1939 when Blacks were still sitting in the backs of theaters."

What George failed to mention was that at the 1939 Oscar ceremony, Hattie McDaniel and her date were seated in the back of the theater. George, I would suggest you read "The Academy Awards: The Complete Unofficial History" by Gail Kinn and Jim Piazza. Had you done so before the Awards, you would have had that bit of Oscar knowledge.

Oscars as They Happen

Laura Holt and I are watching the Oscars together and decided to keep a running commentary on the pre-show (okay, to be fair, ten minutes of the pre-show) and the Oscars.

LH: Felicity Huffman looks just stunning (even in high def). Very impressive at her age. I was really surprised that she actually started crying at the recorded messages from the Desperate Housewives. Either they really do get along, or she REALLY deserves that Oscar. How is it possible that Rachel Weisz looks less pregnant now than she did weeks ago at the Golden Globes? Do even pregnant people try and lose weight for the Oscars?? Keira Knightley looks lovely. She's so poised for such a young woman. She holds a special place in my heart for being part of bringing back the pirate movie (a post of its own). The necklace is just, wow. That's major jewelry.

LIW: Funny lead-in to Jon Stewart. Chris Rock, Billy Crystal, and Steve Martin are too busy. Whoopi says hell no. And Letterman is unavailable too. Now Mel Gibson as host, that would be scary. [LH: he probably only agreed to do it because they let him plug his newest ancient language experiment.] So far Holt and I are laughing. This is promising. OK, here he goes. I can't help but be nervous for him. He's said two lines and I can already tell he's going to be great. Pan to Charlize, she doesn't look amused. Ooooh - my fave - the camera just showed Amy Adams looking cute as pie and she was laughing. I think Charlize's dress is dreadful; I'm not jumping to any conclusions but from the waist up it looks like crap. [LH here: I'm totally jumping to conclusions. I don't care what the rest of the dress looks like, that shoulder is enough to call it crap.]

LH: George Clooney wins! I wish he'd win everything if only because he gives the best acceptance speeches, the perfect mix of funny, sincerity, and social conscience. The most charming man alive . . . I could watch him ramble for hours. Stewart clearly agrees with me.
I'd forgotten that Tom Hanks started out as a comedian. That hair is hideous. Jon Stewart in the green suit got old fast. Reese's hair looks great. I'm surprised she didn't go with something with a little more color. I know it's different than her Globes dress, but the colors and metallic trim are enough in common to bring it to mind, and I'd think she'd want as few reminders of wearing Kirsten Dunst's hand-me-down Chanel as possible. What was Naomi Watts thinking? Her skin and makeup are fantastic, but that dress . . . not only is the color atrocious but the shredded chiffon . . . yuck. Dolly Parton is looking even scrawnier than normal, but that voice is still as strong as ever. She got the Oscar audience to clap along. I'm totally shocked. Thought they'd be too cool for that. But maybe performers are too well-mannered not to support a fellow performer.

LIW: Luke and Owen Wilson. Oy, Owen's hair is moppy. Holt: "I looove the Wilsons." They're presenting the award for Best Short Film. Boring. Wait, they are presenting another boring award. No, they are just introducing Chicken Little and some other stupid animated character to present the next award. BORING. Ice cream break. "Peggy and I thank the Academy, blah blah blah blah . . . I want to thank my talented life partner, blah blah blah. . . shout out to working moms blah blah blah." OOOOH, now this is exciting. Jennifer Aniston on the stage. She looks absolutely stunning, I think. I'm definitely on Team Aniston. [LH: another beautiful necklace. Love the casual diamonds! Not such a fan of the mermaid style dress. And would it kill her to try something other than black? I get that simplicity is her schtick, but would color cause her pain?] Now I'm bored again, waiting to hear about Best Costume Design. Memoirs of a Geisha wins. Anyone care? I don't. Pan to winner's daughter, who looks painfully uncomfortable. Man, winner talks slow. Thankfully they are interspersing exciting celebs between the boring awards. Russell Crowe!

LH: Wilder and I both agree that we hate Jamie Foxx; there's something so arrogant and obnoxious about him. Scientific and technical awards: Glad they do it, and REALLY glad they don't make us watch all of them. There's a real difference in the quality of acceptance speeches between the people in front of the camera and behind. See e.g. that costume designer. Oops, Morgan Freeman just made a monkey of me, because he sure bobbled his line introducing the supporting actress nominees. Is Frances McDormand wearing any makeup? Bold choice Frances. Bold. You go girlfriend with your glasses and scragelly hair and enormous red coral pin and mountains of talent. Lauren Bacall - you've botoxed yourself!! Why??? Oh man, she's screwing up horribly. Can she not read the telemprompter? Or is she trying to speak from memory? I'm so sad for her. She's in one of my fave movies of all time: The Big Sleep. Dames for truth. I think that's a group we'd all like to belong to.

LIW: I love Terrence Howard. But he just presented another sleeper of an award - documentary short subject. Um, not even sure what that means. Whoever won just thanked the Academy for seating her next to George Clooney at the nominee lunch. Yummy; I'd thank the Academy for that too. OK, I've just confirmed that Charlize Theron's dress is ugly; a shoe-in for the Worst Dressed List. Yay! March of the Penguins won! Actually, I never saw it. My excitement was feigned. Vote for the bill that will save Antarctica! Sorry for my English! Okay, what is JLo doing at the Oscars? She is still gorgeous but I can't help but think that Mark Antony has ruined all her sex appeal. The dress is heinous, her slicked-back hair looks painful, and her jewelry looks matronly. Holt: "A burning car on stage! Oh my god, why? That's horrible! I hate it! It's taking set design too far I tell you! Oh my god, and people are crouching! Crouching!" Oh, we're talking about the Crash song, in case you are wondering. I have to say I think Jon Stewart is doing a very good job - I give him a B+ so far. Here come Sandy B. and Keanu. IS she or is she not in her second trimester? She does look a little bloated. Though Holt makes a good point, she hasn't worked in a while and perhaps she actually eats during her off time, which would of course be a good thing. Still not entirely clear why Sandy and Keanu were together on the Red Carpet - Speed 5 anyone? Memoirs of a Geisha wins for Art Direction. Wow this guy is really a snoozer. Okay, now I feel awful because he's reading some note from one his co-art-directors who is probably on her death bad. I'm an awful person.

LH: I really like all the movie montages. I think it's my favorite part of the ceremony. All these iconic moments blended together. It's amazing how many of them work their way into our movie vocabulary; even if we haven't seen the movies themselves. Probably because of montages like this. I'm giving Jon an A-; I think he's doing a great job. Funniest and smoothest host I've seen in awhile. The president's speech: "state of the heart storytelling"? Judy Dench and Morgan Freeman look totally bored. OMG. He's selling the experience of going to the movies over DVDs. Is that really necessary? Mickey Rooney's still alive? Good for him. I like Salma Hayek's dress. I love the pleating and bold color, but the very pretty shoulder strap that goes under the bust makes her boobs look a little uneven. Pretty dress, but it could fit better. Oh, scenes from Pride & Prejudice! The hair dresser from that movie totally did not deserve an Oscar nomination (not that there's an Oscar for best hair design but if there was she would not get my vote). My enjoyment of the movie was completely undermined by the horrible fringe of hair sticking out on Keira's neck whenever her wig was pulled into an updo. Did no one viewing the dailies see that? Was it impossible to fix? I just can't believe it. And Brokeback Mountain wins best score. Yawn.

LIW: Before I forget, Michelle Williams looks absolutely stunning. A far cry from the Jen she played on Dawson's Creek. Love her dress. The red lipstick is the perfect touch. Query how she is so much prettier now than she was back on the Creek, where Katie Holmes was by far the standout beautfy. Oooooh. Here comes Jake!! LOVE. He's perfect I tell you. I got distracted for a minute fawning over my adorable dog sound asleep next to me so I didn't hear a word he said. But now there's Jessica Alba and Eric Bana. He's awesome looking. When are we getting to the big awards? I'm not sure I have it in my fingers to keep blogging through these filler awards. Too bad there is nothing left on my Tivo after this weekend. (I even watched all of last week's Oprah's. I usually delete at least a few a week. I was desperate for zone-out time.) King Kong wins another one - sound mixing. Laundry break. But wait! It's Meryl Streep! and Lily Tomlin! Lily Tomlin! Are you excited yet? They're presenting an Honorary Oscar. Definitely time for a break. Again I feel bad. The award's for Robert Altman, and he's decidedly awesome.

I love it! It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp. Love this song. So happy it was nominated. Though these actor pimps are awkward and silly. Holy last note. There AMy Adams is again. So cute! Queen Latifah gets an invite to the Oscars? Who knew? She actually looks beautiful and she's about to present the award for best original song. I'm secretly rooting for the Hustle&Flow pimp song, but will be satisfied if the Crash song wins because that's who I picked in my Oscar pool. OMG! The pimp song won! Latifah is so excited! I sort of want to cry! I'm really happy for them! These guys seem genuinely excited. I like this dose of pure exhiliration in the Oscars! Yay Oscar voters! Even Jon Stewart is at a loss for words. He's laughing. I'm now at a solid A- for his performance.

Here comes Jennifer Garner - first time I've really seen her post-Violet-bearing. She almost trips. But she still looks awesome. King Kong wins another techie. Yawn. I'm still glowing from the pimp-song win! Have I mentioned lately how much I love Terrence Howard? Tsotsi (South Africa) wins best foreign language film. Haven't seen it. Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z. Can we get to the big awards PLEASE?

Here comes Hilary Swank to present Best Actor award. If Philip Seymour Hoffman doesn't win, Vegas will go mad. And the Oscar goes to . . . Philip Seymour Hoffman! Shocker. That's one problem with all the pre-Oscar awards shows. The Oscar winners become too predictable. But I'm happy for PSH. Though I have to say his acceptance speeches have been kinda boring.

Here comes Best Actress! Again, Reese is conventional wisdom. But could there be an upset? And the Oscar goes to . . . .Reese! I can't believe it! Reese won! Her "I can't believe a girl from Tennessee made it here" line made me roll my eyes, but the rest of her speech at least seemed heart-felt. I wish she said more about how much she loves Ryan, but hey.

As you (whoever has made it this far) can probably tell, Holt left a while ago. And I'm falling asleep at the keyboard so will watch the rest from my laptop-free bed. Which means I'm only left to predict the last winners. Here goes:
Crash and Brokeback will win the screenplay awards
Ang Lee will win the director award
Brokeback will win best picture. [If Crash wins, I think Brokeback got robbed.]

Good night.

Landon from the Real World

I was just looking at my 19-year old sister's pictures from Spring Break in Acapulco. And who do I see? I see her and her friends posing with Landon from the Real World. And then Landon doing shots with a group of her friends. Made me laugh.

(I wonder if they were able to coax him into revealing who wins this year's RW/RR challenge. More on that later.)