Oscar fashion: the good, the bad and the Dolly

The best part of the Oscars, of course, is looking at the gowns worn by those in attendance. Yes, I did say gowns. I did not say tuxes. I really could not care less what the men wear. Even when Samuel L. Jackson shows up in a purple velvet tuxedo with a matching old man hat (you know, those hats he wears everywhere), it isn't close to as exciting as what the women are wearing.

The Good

Michelle Williams



Michelle needs to stop looking at Heath Ledger every second she has. Look at the camera, Michelle! You can do it. I suspect in this picture, Heath is right outside of the frame. And Michelle is looking right at him. I understand that she is in love, but...really? Does love mean having a crick in your neck? I guess so. And I don't like how skinny she is. In "Dawson's Creek" she was the fat one next to Katie Holmes. In "Dick" she looked quite large next to Kirsten Dunst. Put her next to Kirsten right now and I suspect Kiki would go running to the bathroom. Not good. She needs to put on some weight.

BUT, I love her outfit. I love the color of this dress on her--not many people can pull off yellow. It fits her well. And most importantly, it seems that Michelle knows who she is. She isn't a Hollywood sex symbol. She isn't Julia Roberts, Charlize Theron, Uma Thurman or Halle Berry. She isn't even Reese Witherspoon or Keira Knightley. She is a little different, a little quirky, and her clothing choices reflect that. I like it.

Michelle's truly saving grace tonight--she wasn't boring. And almost everyone else was.

Hilary Swank



One of my gripes with the clothing for the night was that it was generally boring in color. Nude and black was all over the place. However, Hilary Swank looks so good in her dress, it doesn't matter what color it is. I don't know what kind of corset she is wearing, but her waist is ridiculously small. I love that you can see a very, very tiny stomach bulge. It makes her look almost human.

Uma Thurman

Again, a neutral color. But it doesn't matter. She is Uma and it looks amazing. And so much better than that milkmaid costume from a few years ago.



The Bad

Keira Knightley



I know Holt is going to kill me. I don't care. The bodice of this dress has the same style that Halle Berry wore a few years ago--it has been called the Breast Sling. However, the difference is that Halle has breasts. So although the breast sling wasn't great on Halle, she could pull it off. On Keira, the sling squashes the very little she has by way of bosom. And the color of the dress (that dark wine-but-if-it-hits-the-light-it-is-black color) looks like something one of my friends wore to the Eighth Grade Dinner Dance in 1989. And the necklace creeped me out.

Reese Witherspoon



The dress didn't look that bad from the waist up. But the bottom is just so boring. It's too wide, and makes a really pretty girl with nice legs look dowdy. Reese has really played this awards season all wrong. Before this season she was thought to have great fashion sense. After this season, when she has had more exposure than ever before, she comes out looking frumpy. But at least she has an Oscar.

Jennifer Aniston



How many times can this woman wear a black sheath dress with her hair down? Back when she and Brad were hippies together her hair was usually wavy/curly, but now she is back to the straight. Would it kill her to put her hair up? Wear a ballgown? Try out some blue or green or pink? WHY IS SHE SO BORING? She's the anti-Michelle Williams.

Naomi Watts



I kind of feel like I'm kicking a girl when she's down. Heath Ledger left her and now he and Michelle Williams are plastered on every magazine, with all of the insiders going on about how in love they are. Now it looks like she and Liev Schreiber are having problems as well, and there are rumors he and Winona Ryder are close. But that is no excuse for this dress. The color is awful for her (she seems to like the white/champagne family, but it doesn't like her) and the weird bunching at the waist/hips...I just don't understand it.

Lisa Rinna



Okay, the dress isn't that bad, but for the horizontal strap right below her collarbone. But...WHAT IS LISA RINNA DOING AT THE ACADEMY AWARDS?!?!?!?! [Edited to add: Lisa was working as a correspondent for Access Hollywood. I feel awful. How could I have put Lisa on the worst-dressed list when she was at the Oscars for legitimate purposes? I love Lisa! Billie from Days, Taylor from Melrose, Logan's mom from Veronica Mars, totally tanorexic.... I hang my head in shame.]

Charlize Theron. No need to repost Bailey's photo from below. The bow was awful. I think that had the bow been taken away, it would have looked okay, but not great, as it didn't seem to fit properly. The color is really pretty, but the bow was horrid.

The Pockets

Brown dresses featuring pockets was a bit of a theme. I generally don't love the pockets. What is their purpose? Handwarmers? It can't be that cold if the dress is so open at the top. A place for her lipstick and keys? I doubt it, it would ruin the line of the dress.

Amy Adams



Amy just looks so excited to be at the Academy Awards, I like that the dress is different, and it's kind of cute. Again, don't love the pockets, and it is a little busy in general, but I like this because she was different and it looks whimsical.

Maggie Gyllenhaal



I actually think Maggie has done a pretty good job, for Maggie. She is smiling! Her hair is done! But the fabric looks wrong, and the top isn't doing her breasts any favors. But still--major Gyllenhaal improvement!

The Feud

I didn't think either Jennifer had her best night last night, but they were both different enough to warrant a mention. So they get their own category.

Jennifer Lopez



I am sure I was not the only one hoping that the camera would sweep over to J.Lo when Jennifer Garner almost fell on her face walking to present her award. I'm not sure loved J.Lo's dress, but I think it was different enough to warrant this category. I like the front of J.Lo's, but I didn't like the straps. And although I don't think that the color works for her, I think she looked good.

Jennifer Garner



Like her rival, I'm not sure I loved Garner's dress either, as I thought it was a bit boring, but she looks so good coming off of her pregnancy. Healthy. And much prettier than she was when she was preggers (she was no Heidi Klum while with child).

The Dolly



What can one say about Dolly that hasn't already been said before? Got to love her. Also got to be a bit concerned by how thin she is. Remember her in 9 to 5? She was nice and chunky. Oh, well. Still love her.