I Love Dolly!

Dolly Parton is so fab. Here she is on giving the young'uns a break:

"Poor little Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. Ain't it awful? If those little girls slept with as many men as they say in the tabloids, why their little butts would have more fingerprints than the FBI!"

Now I Just Feel Sad (And a Little Dirty)

Britney Spears has been hospitalized following a custody dispute. People says that she was brought to the hospital after police, at her home in reponse to her refusal to relinquish her children to Kevin Federline's bodyguard at the court ordered time, determined she was "under the influence of an unknown substance." According to US (yes, I read both sites every morning, if you're reading this, don't judge (although I'm totally judging myself for even writing this) she's been designated a "special needs patient" meaning she either overdosed or they believe she is suicidal. Despite the tag I put on this post, I'm really not feeling schadenfreude. I'm just feeling sad.

Why am I surprised?

It looks like Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant. Yes, 16 year old Jamie Lynn Spears, sister of Britney.

So I have to admit I was really shocked to read this. And immediately thought it was fake. But then I looked at Nickelodean's website and they are saying ""We respect Jamie Lynn's decision to take responsibility in this sensitive and personal situation. We know this is a very difficult time for her and her family, and our primary concern right now is for Jamie Lynn's well being." Which really sounds to me like she's pregnant.

My second thought was "I totally shouldn't be surprised. Look at Britney. They have horrible parents."

But then I started feeling kind of hypocritcal. I mean, there are lots of kids who are sexually active at the age of 16. It doesn't mean they are trashy or immoral or stupid or bad in some way. I don't judge them. And oftentimes the only thing that separates the pregnant ones from the non-pregnant ones is luck (birth control isn't 100% effective, as the abstinence proponents like to tell us) or the willingness to have an abortion. How is it fair to judge Jamie Lynn and her family because she is going to be a teenage mom?

But then I went to Perez Hilton, and he is reporting that Jamie Lynn and her boyfriend have been living together. Remember, she's 16. So now I'm definitely back to judging her parents.

Courthouse chic

I have refrained from posting about the Britney Spears saga for months, but this was so funny I couldn't help myself:

Superior Court Commissioner Scott Gordon asked the clerk to swear her in under
oath. Spears raised her right hand and said "I do.”
He then asked Spears to
state her name, and she responded, "Britney." Gordon clarified, "Your full
name." She replied, "Britney Spears."
He then said, "The petitioner is
wearing sunglasses, but counsel said there is a medical condition."

Source: Us Weekly

Am I the only one cracking up that she only gave her first name? Or is this something most people might do? And as for the sunglasses...perhaps she was at the ophthalmologist and got her eyes dilated?

Brit and Pam

Just made my daily UsWeekly/People stops and two stories have me shaking my head. First: Britney's lost custody of her kids. I . . . don't really know what to say about that that hasn't already been said. How long can this downward spiral last? A mere 12 months ago who would have thought the tide would have turned and people would be rooting for K-Fed as the parent with his shit together? I'm of course I need to know WHY Britney lost custody now as opposed to a few weeks ago. Did she fail one of the court-ordered drug tests? Fail to submit to one? Did the recent tabloid confessions of a former bodyguard play a role? And most importantly, why the HELL do I care? But I do. Which is why I post on a pop culture website so I should just go with it right and abandon all shame?

In a similar vein of why the hell do I care and unanswered questions . . . what is with Pamela Anderson's increasingly dubious choices in men? Tommy Lee . . . ok. Certain amount of wacked out charm. Anybody else watch that "reality" show where he went to college? I kind of found that amusing. Kid Rock? Myeh. Couldn't really see that one, but whatever, people like him. But RICK SALOMON? SERIOUSLY? He of "One Night in Paris" 'fame'? The man who led Shannen Doherty to deck said Paris Hilton? What the hell? You really must check out the US story on using sexual favors to pay a gambling debt and "falling in love". It's priceless.

Britney at the VMAs

So . . . I didn't watch because I couldn't. But if this NY Times article (and really, it's in the NY Times? What the hell?) on Britney's VMA performance is anything to go by, I just lost yet another opportunity for schadenfreude, and lord knows Britney's already given me plenty of excuses for that. For those who watched, was it really that awful?

LiLo Admits She's Screwing Up Her Life by Acting Like a No-Talent Celebutard? Or . . . the Effort to Keep Lindsay Insurable Through PR Continues?

Um, that long ass title actually says most of what I wanted to say. On the heels of accepting a plea agreement on her two DUI charges, Lindsay Lohan released a statement admitting that she is, indeed, addicted to drugs and alcohol and it's actually messing her life up a little bit. Welcome to the real world Lohan's PR agent. Is this the first sign that Lohan may actually, for once, not be using rehab as a publicity stunt, but might truly want to stop partying like it's 1999? (Hello, I'm old.)

In other LiLo news, the Go Fug Girls do a nice fug of her Maxim cover. Gotta agree that she looks completely wasted and sad in that shot. Is this really what men think is hot?