Dancing with the Stars 4: Best cast ever!

A friend just sent me this article revealing the cast members of the next installment of Dancing with the Stars, and I am elated. Who will be on?

Heather Mills. First of all, the entire world hates her because of her nasty divorce with Paul McCartney. As if that wasn't enough working against her, she only has one leg. I realize that she is quite mobile with that leg (although her divorce petition would lead one to believe otherwise), but how will this translate into dancing on live television?

Ian Ziering. Steve Sanders! Dancing! Will he wear a Keg House tee-shirt?

Apolo Anton Ohno. I don't really get this one. He's an athlete at top form. He's not washed up. What is he doing on this show? Then again, I don't think there is all that much money in speed skating, and America does kind of forget about him three out of four years.

Paulina Porizkova. The most disturbing thing about her write-up on D-listed is that they fail to mention her true claim to fame: that she is married to Rik Ocasek. Sure, she was a very pretty model. But what made people remember her was that she was a very pretty model married to a very ugly man.

Vincent Pastore. I can't imagine Big Pussy is going to be very light on his feet.

Joey Fatone. Then again, I can't imagine Fat one will be either.

Billy Ray Cyrus. At least he won't be singing.

Clyde Drexler. Obviously trying to step into the shoes of Emmitt Smith and Jerry Rice. I actually find it fascinating when former athletes who were legitimately great players decide to be on a show like this. Why do they do it? They excelled at their sport, and now they are putting themselves on national television, possibly embarassing themselves. Surely they don't need the money. Do they enjoy the challenge? Need the attention?

Leeza Gibbons. Not much to say here. I can't imagine she'll stick around long unless she's a very good dancer.

Laila Ali. Mohammed's daughter and a former boxer, I imagine she'll have the same staying power problems as Leeza.

Shandi Finnessey. When I initially read this list I thought that Finnessey was the only "celebrity" with whom I wasn't familiar. Then I realized that I have actually watched her as the host of the Game Show Network's Lingo, along with Chuck Woolery. Yes, I have watched Lingo more than once.