Least Essential Reality Shows, Part II

Also back for another season is The Apprentice. Ugh. How do I hate the Apprentice? Let me count the ways.

I hate the contestants. It's like they went to my college and graduate school and selected the most humorless, careerist, pointlessly competitive, and ambitious people to be on the show. Has anyone on this show ever said anything funny or even interesting? Or showed genuine leadership, generosity, or empathy? Not that I remember. Contrast this with Project Runway or The Amazing Race, two shows with their share of jerks, but also plenty of funny, nice people.

I hate the strategy. Ever since the first season, it has become clear that the key to survival is not to try to win each challenge, but to put yourself in a position to blame someone else when your team loses. This does not make for good tv. And, unlike Survivor, where they mix it up every season, they have not done anything to counteract this.

I hate the challenges. There are basically two challenges. One requires them to sell something to the general public, and the team that sells more wins. This kind is generally boring to watch and the results are often arbitrary. The other kind requires them to come up with some idea, and pitch it to the product-placed "customer," who then chooses between the two teams This at least has the advantage of letting us see the often highly amusing, god-awful pitches they come up with. But, either way, we've seen both of these over and over.

I hate the phony business talk. I'm not a business person, but I'm pretty sure that real businesses involve more than marketing, and even marketing involves things that are missing from this show. Most importantly, repeated play. Over time, brands build reputations and loyalty, and people get to know the strengths and weaknesses of the people they work for and the people who work for them. I know that this is just tv show in which people are placed in highly artificial situations and not a true test of someone's business skills. But could someone please tell Donald Trump that? Because I'm sick of hearing his little speeches about how these challenges demonstrate some essential truth about the business world. It's not like Phil Keoghan tries to convince us that sifting through a pile of cow manure is an essential travel skill. Because that would be dumb.

I hate Donald Trump. Hate is too strong a word, but he is the kind of person I can't stand -- an attention whore. And it just galls me to see him not only get attention, but be fawned over like he's some captain of industry.

Good news: The premier episode finished fourth place in its time slot on Monday night.