If you are my friend, please stage a television intervention
I really need help. I watch Big Brother three days a week. There is nothing redeeming about this show. Often I watch something that is bad because it's campy, or because it's so bad it's actually awesome. But Big Brother is not these things. Big Brother it sucks. It features a contestant who might be the dumbest woman ever who has named her and her allies "Team Christ." When something goes right for her she praises Jesus over and over and over and over and.... It's incessant. What's more, her enemies are called "The Evildoers." I'm not kidding here. And she doesn't say "the evildoers" with any irony. Hell, she doesn't even say it with one iota of political or popular culture awareness.
It also features a 46 year old woman who is constantly crying about how she is doing this all for her teenaged son. If you're a parent, is this really your scheme to make life better? Because if so, that's pretty sad. What's more, she likes to talk, a lot, about her crush on last year's winner of the show, a middle-aged tattooed, dirty, annoying, Motley Crue roadie-wannabe who calls himself "Evil Dick." And she has the oddest horizontal stripes on her neck. It's almost as if she went into the tanning booth 80 times while wearing sunscreen only in the skin creases of her neck.
The producers create stupid challenges for the contestants, including one that required the contestants to vote on whether they were willing to accept a deal in which they got some sort of food for the week (I think peanut butter) but the women had to wear their bathing suits everywhere all week. Don't be surprised that peanut butter and bikinis were the unanimous choice.
I am honestly embarrassed for myself. Please help.