Don't rent this movie: Just Friends

I realize this may not be quite au courant, but I consider this more of a public service announcement. Imagine: you are spending a nice quiet night at home alone. There is no one with whom you must share the television. You decide it would be a good time to rent a mindless date movie (funny how these movies are called date movies, but no date would ever watch them with you). You go to your On Demand menu and see that Just Friends is showing. The blurb says something about coming home and realizing your true love was there all along. Sounds good, you pay the $4.95 to rent it.

You may not be surprised to learn that the above is no mere hypothetical. It happened to me. And it was a big mistake.

This movie was, quite simply, terrible. First of all, shame on me for not realizing that this was the movie for which I had seen posters in malls a year ago featuring Amy Smart and some guy clearly in a fat suit. I have a general rule never to watch movies in which the romantic lead is fat, the object of his/her affection isn't so interested, the lead gets skinny and they end up together. (A variation on this is one in which the object of affection is interested but then the lead still gets thin, implying that is the true reward for unconditional love, apparently and that love is better when you're thin.) Had I realized this movie was one and the same, I would have skipped it entirely. But I guess I just wasn't myself, so I rented it.

There was nothing good about the film. The humor wasn't funny. The character development made absolutely no sense--who goes from being a sweet, well-adjusting pudgy teenager to an absolute jerk 20-something because one girl dumps him? It doesn't happen. To be as much of a jerk as this character is in the movie, there had to be some jerky tendencies early on. There's no way around this. The romance is totally undeveloped.

So, basically, it sucked. Even if it is free, don't bother watching it. Where's a good J-Lo movie when I need one?