Tuesday Night Televsision: Cavemen and Carpoolers

Imagine it's 8:15 p.m., and you're at the gym. You're working out on the recumbant bike, because it has a reclined seat and is therefore easier than all of the other machines offered. And it has a built-in television. It's Tuesday. What do you do?

If you're me, you decide to take one for the team (that's you, readers) and watch a double-header of Cavemen and Carpoolers.

Unfortunately (fortunately?), I only caught the second half of Cavemen. I didn't have too much trouble catching on to the "plot," though. It involves a group of cavemen, including our friend from the Geico commercials, who all hang out together. (I didn't see any cavewomen.) Geico Caveman is interested in a new girl, a cute blonde, who apparently doesn't mind that he is a caveman. So it appears that cavemen are discriminated against. In fact, not only does Cute Blonde not have a problem with Geico Caveman's Caveman-ness, but she has a thing for cavemen. She has been with many, many cavemen before. And...that was about it. Except for the fact that all of the cavemen were wearing tennis clothes, which I am guessing was explained earlier in the episode.

So it wasn't funny, but when compared to Carpoolers, hysterical. Carpoolers is about four guys who carpool together. I didn't catch their names, so I'll call them The Guy Who Drives, Jerry O'Connell's Character, The Guy with the Rich Wife and The New Guy. First off, I really don't like Jerry O'Connell. I don't find him funny or attractive or really much of anything. Jerry O'Connell's Character appears to be the ringleader of the group. He's a dentist, but he wears a leather jacket, so he must be cool.

The Guy Who Drives doesn't have much of a personality at all, except for the fact that he's the guy who drives the car. He's also the guy who brought The New Guy to the carpool. He's constantly telling The New Guy to "be cool," because apparently if The New Guy isn't cool, Jerry O'Connell (who approved him for the carpool before meeting him) will kick him out of the carpool. It appears that The Guy Who Drives and The Guy with the Rich Wife do not have any say. Jerry calls the shots.

The New Guy is a young married, with a wife and young child. Apparently he needs to be part of the carpool because he and his wife share a car, and he wants her to have it in case the baby "chokes on a grape."

The Guy with the Rich Wife is apparently Jerry O'Connell's Character's best friend, although we don't really know why they are friends, or how. In fact, we don't know why anyone would be Jerry O'Connell's Character's friend. He's the type of friend who asks The Guy with the Rich Wife if he thinks his wife makes more money than him, and then when The Guy with the Rich Wife says he doesn't know, makes The Guy with the Rich Wife doubt his relationship, saying women who make more than men don't need their husbands and will eventually get rid of them. He also asks The Guy with the Rich Wife questions like "who is on top" when they have sex, because apparently men who aren't on top have no control.

The Guy with the Rich Wife, at the beginning of the episode, doesn't actually know how much money his wife makes, because she keeps that information from him and doesn't share her money. We learn about that during this charming exchange:
The Guy with the Rich Wife: The money I make is ours, the money she makes is hers.
The Guy Who Drives: At least you have your money. My wife just gets my paycheck and I don't even know what I make.
Jerry O'Connell's Character: My wife takes all of my money. Her lawyer saw to that. Har, har, har.

Yes, the "har, har, har" was actually uttered by Jerry O'Connell, and is not my sarcasm. Jerry O'Connell's Character, being a "good friend," then goes and sleeps with someone who works at bank of the Rich Wife, and tells The Guy with the Rich Wife what his wife makes. This sends The Guy with the Rich Wife into a huge tailspin, but although he is a marriage counselor, he is unable to discuss this issue with his wife at all (played by Faith Ford).

Speaking of the wife, her character has managed to flip a house three times in one day. How is that possible? "In this market, anything is possible!" Really? Because everything I read says the market isn't a seller's market anymore. Did they film this pilot two years ago? And their son? His name is Marmaduke. I really need not say more. The best part of the episode was definitely the first five seconds, when "I'm All Out of Love" was playing on the radio. (But even that was ruined, when The Guy Who Drives started crying because he lost his virginity to that song..."well, to the first verse.")

When I got home last night, Gobo had also just returned from the gym, and he said to me "you know, when I was at the gym, nothing was on, so I watched Cavemen and the beginning of Carpoolers." I would have him write a guest review, but I think I have probably said more than enough about these shows already.